In Which Akai Messes With Legolas S'more
by the Red Nothing
Summary: The sequal to Akai Kuu's Excuse For A Legolas Fic! Legolas walks through the woods, and.. becomes a psychiatrist? O_o


It's that time agaaaaaaaaain~!! Akai Kuu, author of "Akai's Excuse For A Legolas Fic" makes her triumphant return!!!  
  
Legolas: *muttermuttermutter*  
  
Me: WHAT was that??!  
  
Legolas: WHY do you torment me so?!   
  
Me: Becaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaause.... I don't like to drool over you! :p You've always been my favorite character, tied with Aragorn, but when I saw the movie, I was so used to you... I couldn't bring myself to drool!!  
  
Legolas: *sarcastically* ...my heart...weeps...  
  
Me: *snapped* It had BETTER, because that means I'll have NO PROBLEMS WHATSOEVER handing you over to all of the rabid Legolas fangirls, bucko!  
  
Legolas: O_O ...*ulp*...  
  
Me: ...che...  
  
~In Which Akai Messes With Legolas S'more~  
  
Once upon a time, the brave, valiant, and kick-arse Elvish archer Legolas was... Standing around looking intelligent. Because, see, he'd just killed a bunch of Orcs, which was pretty much ALL brave, valiant, kick-arse Elvish archers, or any sort of hero or heroine, for that matter, did in Middle Earth.  
  
So maybe, he thought, it was time to prove his worth by actually killing something OTHER than Orcs! The entire mind-set of Middle Earth let out a long, collective gasp!  
  
"Perhaps," Legolas pondered thoughtfully, "fanfic authoresses 'twould make a far fine quarry..."  
  
Hey, that's just mean!  
  
Regretfully, Legolas sighed and began to trek through the woods in an Elf-like manor. However, soon, he came face-to-face with an ORC!!  
  
Now, the two things interesting about this Orc meeting was that  
  
a) the Orc did NOT immediately attempt to dismember Elf of plastic, interlocking blocks by various messy means and  
  
b) it was alone, not in an INCREDIBLY HUGE DEMON TIDAL WAVE OF DOOOOOOOOM~!!!  
  
*ahem*  
  
  
So Legolas (being the blonde that he was) immediately decided to give it a third eye by means of a high velocity pointy stick of wood. However, the Orc, instead of doing something to Legolas that would anger Elf-Rights Activists into a suing-spree, bowed at his feet.  
  
"Doc, ya gotta help me!" It moaned pitifully. "I can't take it anymore!"  
  
Warily, Legolas lowered his bow. "Orc," he said slowly, "I know not of this, uhm, 'Doc' of whom you speak..."   
  
He means you, genius.  
  
"Me??" Legolas blinked in disbelief. The author was beginning to lose her patience.   
  
Yes Legolas, you. Lego-chan, Lego-boy, Legoset, Space Leggo, Leggie, ErectorSetLas, PlaymobileLas, Blondy Boy, Mr. Pointyears, Santa's Not-So-Little Helper, Frightening Fangirl Drool Collecter, Mr. I-Can-Walk-On-Snow-Without-Sinking, He Of The Pearly Ikkle Elfy Jammies, Legolas Greenleaf, Son of King Thranduil, Elvish Prince of All Mirkwood, YOU!  
  
For further clarification, various objects began to rain upon Legolas: Driver's Licenses, Social Securtiy Cards, Library Cards, Dog Tags, Orc Hunting Licenses, Gift Certificates, Autographed CDs, personalized archery kits, live cats, etc, each and everyone with the words "Legolas Greenleaf" engraved upon them in Elvish script.  
  
Legolas rubbed his head. "All right, all right, hold thine tongue..." He gazed down at the Orc in question. "What is it that you require, good sir?" The Orc, to Legolas' surprise, smacked him sharply.  
  
"My NAME," it growled, "is MRS Roberta Icewen Wraithclaw III, and don't you forget it, young man!!" Before Legolas could respond that he was in fact thousands of years old and was merely grateful to the miracles of cosmetic surgery (joke, joke), the Roberta's voice quieted. "And I've come to seek psychiatric help."  
  
*long, uncomfortable pause*  
  
"P-pardon?" Legolas blinked with large grey eyes. Roberta sunk to the ground.  
  
"It isn't fair," she moaned, sad, dismal music beginning to play in the background (Ah, actually, I just turned on Clint Eastwood ^^;;; ). Legolas sweatdropped, despite the fact he was not an anime character. "Everywhere I go, I'm discriminated! 'An Orc, let's kill him!' HIM! HIM!! I mean, what do you do if you see an Orc?!"  
  
Legoals continued to stare ahead blankly.  
  
"You *kill* it, that's what you do!" Roberta continued. "Lookit, it isn't OUR fault we were born like this! Not *OUR* fault our ancestors were tortured -need I remind you we were JUST LIKE YOU at one point?! No, everyone, 'Let's go hunt some Orcs!' As if we were animals! They don't think about OUR feelings!!! Perhaps, instead of DISMEMBERING US, people could take a minute to rehabilitate us back into society, where we could become fine, upstanding members of the social structure -OR AT LEAST POLITICIANS!!!"  
  
So, Leggrar..raaaaa...  
  
"Suddenly," said Legolas, "Roberta found herself unable to speak, as the Authoress was sporting a rather large arrow growing forth from her throat."  
  
Da...a.a..mn....yooo...u....  
  
~END~  
  
Me: *pulling arrow out of neck* You IDIOT! You're really going to hurt me one of these days, you know that!?  
  
Legolas: Unfortunately, I don't believe that is possible, as you are an author.  
  
Me: ...oh yeah! *no marks on her whatsoever* Heh heh!  
  
Legolas: -_-;;;  
  
Me: Why the pouting face, Legoset? Oh! Yes! I'll take it here to note that two of those titles Legoboy got up there were from amusing fanfics I read. ^.^ Legoset I *think* is from one called "Legolas's Nickname", whereas "Space Leggo" is from one I found utterly wrong, but utterly hilarious, called "The Adventures of Space Bobo." ^.^   
  
Legolas: I shall ask again: WHY do you insist on doing such things to me?!  
  
Me: 'cuz it's FUUUUUUUUUUN~! ^_____^  
  
Legolas: --;  
  
Me: ..and unfun Elves get thrown to the fangirls.  
  
Legolas: !  
  
Me: Here you all go!!! *throws Legolas at you* Just please don't take his scalp or anything, because I'll need him for the next fic. Other than that, do anything ya want. ^_^ Enjoy!  
  
Legolas: ...I...HATE YOU!!!  
  
Me: P 


End file.
